Those you Leave Behind
by Nano-klik
Summary: Garrus asks his Commander for some advice.  Written for a prompt on SLF on LJ.


Mass Effect and all it encompasses belong to Bioware. I just play around in a non-profit making way.

"Shepard."

The Commander looked up from her workstation and noted not for the first time that she needed some kind of alert on her door. The Illusive Man had obviously considered her privacy not even worthy of a first thought let alone a second.

"Garrus?" She noted he looked agitated.

Watching him awkwardly pace the room a few steps then take a seat by the small table oblivious to her questioning look or current state of partial dress, she rose from the desk and sat not next to him, but near. Distance careful gauged without conscious thought. Close enough to imply support yet distant enough to avoid familiarity.

"So, you going to tell me what's eating you?"

"Eating m..." Garrus trailed, not in the mood to ask about yet another human idiom, it could wait.

Shepard tried again. "What's bothering you?"

Her eyes followed his movements as he stood up and paced again. "How do you do it?"

"Maybe if I knew what you were asking," Shepard sighed. "Garrus, stand still you're making me dizzy."

His frame sagging just a little he sat back down, sharp eyes now looking directly at Shepard's. "How do you deal with it, the anger about those you've lost?"

"Garrus, if this is about Sidonis and me not let..."

Garrus cut her off. "No, not Sidonis. We've already gone over that, probably too much. I'm talking about the ones who don't come out alive," his voice softened. "Those you have to leave behind."

"You want my honest answer or the one that has me quoting psych manuals?" She didn't mean to be so short with him, not over this. But tiredness and a mind full of her own troubles was plaguing her. A recent email from Toombs made this a conversation she didn't want to be having right now. The timing was about as good as usual.

Garrus made a gruff sigh that while as non-human a sound as it was, Shepard recognised as a barely humoured snort. Some things were nearly universal. "How about the honest one?"

Shepard sighed and sunk back into the seat. "I don't have one."

Garrus looked quizzically at her for a moment. "What about Akuze?" Garrus knew his knowledge of human body language was sketchy in places, but he knew enough to recognise the flinch in Shepard's face at the mention of that planet. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

Shepard shifted just a little closer. "No, it's okay, Garrus. Really." She sighed and drew her knees up to her chest. Paying no heed to her semi-state of undress and current vulnerability she stared at the ceiling and spoke. "Before anything else, just one question of my own. Why do you think I've got any answers?"

Garrus tapped the frame of his visor gently with an armour covered claw. "You know this holds more than my music collection, right?"

Shepard didn't answer and just waited for him to continue.

"Names. That's what else is on here, apart from the obvious of course," He shifted awkwardly. "My team, carved into the frame of my visor." There was a long pause before he spoke again. "You've lost people, on Akuze, on the Normandy. Then there's the way you deal with everything else." He stopped again. not sure how to phrase what he was asking.

"You want to know how I deal with it?"

"Yeah, I think that about covers it."

"I don't."

"Hang on a minute. You don't?"

"Garrus, I'm a ball of anger with a big gun and a lot of things to shoot at. I don't need to deal right now. And I don't know if I will when the shooting stops. That's providing I'm still here."

Sharp eyes looked at her again. She suddenly looked small and vulnerable, smaller than she actually was. He settled back in the seat. "You'll deal with it. You always do. In the meantime, any advice Commander."

Shepard turned her gaze to him and clasped his hand in a gesture of friendship. "I think you've said it already, Garrus._ Those you have to leave behind_. Maybe it's about time you got a new visor."

She looked over at the battered helmet on the desk. "And maybe it's time I did the same."


End file.
